Toddler Parenting Tips and Tricks to Stop Hitting, Biting, and Temper Tantrums
Do you feel stressed out or feel like you yell at your kids too much? How are your current strategies working out for you?
Click here to see how my wife and I finally solved our toddler’s hitting and behavior problems!
This is me just a few months ago…
It’s so discouraging to me every time I see my kids resort to hitting or biting and losing control of their emotions and acting out physically. I’m tired of their defiant attitude. I’m tired of their whining. I’m tired of them not listening to me! I’m tired of yelling so much! Seriously, my kids are stressing me out and stressing out my marriage. I want to be a good parent, and I feel like I’m trying everything I know. But nothing I’m doing works. I just want to enjoy my kids again!
Parenting my kids felt like a battle. I’ve been searching for parenting tips and techniques because I want to be a better parent and having 3 little boys (all within 5 years of each other) I feel like I have to have every trick at my disposal.
I want to share with you not a “trick”, but a truth.
The way I was talking to my kids was causing them to do exactly what I didn’t want them to do.
I read all of the tips I could find for free on the internet, but they didn’t help me get my kids to stop hitting, whining, or their general defiant behavior. To be honest it seemed like every “doctor” or “expert” just read the same book and was sharing the same tips re-worded into their own language. It wasn’t until I found this guy named Chris Thompson that I actually started to hear something new. I found his site from some other parents who raved about his audio course, so I went to his website and listened to his free lesson. In that first free lesson he shared some unusual tips that I hadn’t heard before, and I thought what the heck. So the next time I had an opportunity (didn’t have to wait too long) to intervene in a situation with my kids I tried to implement his advice. I didn’t really have any expectations, but I figured what have I got to lose? If it works, then great, if not, then at least I tried. To my surprise, it worked like magic. It was a simple and unusual tip that worked the first time!
It was like magic. I waited for my boys to fight back and then there was nothing. They just listened and obeyed. Click here to visit his website.
I have to admit. At first I was pretty skeptical. I mean, with all of the television shows, articles, forums, books and every other resource that teach you the so called “right way” to deal with outbursts and temper tantrums, I felt like I had already heard it all. But I couldn’t argue with results. Chris’ advice was unusual, and he came from a different background then all the other so called “experts”. But maybe that was just it, he understood how to talk to people. I mean he’s a “Certified Neural Linguistic Programming” expert. I didn’t even know what a Certified NLP expert was, but basically I guess it means he understands how people hear words and process them. So he knows what words to say and how to say them to get people (your kids) to hear you and do what you say.
Talking to my kids is different now. I think I used to try to control them with my authority. Expect them to obey me because, well because that’s what I said! I also don’t think that it was really my fault that I didn’t know how to talk to my kids effectively. I mean nobody taught me. My parents (who were great parents) just did what their parents did, and I was just doing what my parents did. I have a college education and nothing there taught me how to handle my kids either. It’s not our fault we don’t know what we’re doing. I just needed to understand how to talk to my kids.
Also, just to be clear, this isn’t some sort of hypnosis or mind manipulation on our kids. And it’s not controlling them. In reality, I think I was trying to brainwash my kids more BEFORE I listened to Chris’ advice simply by trying to force them to obey me on command. The tips Chris shares are actually a more loving and respectful way to communicate then how I was doing it before.
So anyways, after that first free lesson I was pretty much sold. My wife and I listened to the whole audio course together and now I feel like I kinda know what I’m doing. Nobody else is teaching what Chris is teaching. I think it’s because nobody else comes from an educational background like him. I mean if you think about it, all the other “experts” basically come from the same school of thought. So really, Chris’ course is the only place you’re going to get this information.
My kids are enjoyable again. They’re more obedient, more fun to be around, and less prone to outbursts. And it’s not a matter of having to get louder to get their attention anymore. So for that I’m thankful to Chris, and my kids are thankful too I’m sure.
“There he goes again!” Hitting or pushing or taking toys from the other kids on the playground. “He doesn’t act like this at home. I just don’t get it.”
Of course you wonder why your toddler hits! You don’t see adults walking around pummeling each other in the office every time the stapler disappears from their desk. It’s not something we as parents can relate to. When we’re upset at someone we usually resort to talking behind their backs, or the healthier more mature among us will calmly confront our nemesis and try to work out the misunderstanding…
Kid’s, toddlers especially, don’t have that same ability to verbalize their emotions. When a toddler gets their toy taken away by another kid, they are frustrated. They were playing with that toy. They want their toy back. Or maybe they just want the other child to stop doing whatever it is that is annoying them. Or maybe, they want to be included and join in and play with the other kids. But all of these emotions are new to them. Communication is new to them.
Your toddler’s lack of words to express their emotion or desires will actually cause them to lash out. They just don’t know any better. That’s where we as parents have the opportunity to give them the tools to communicate.
Try this. Talk to your child and give them some key phrases that they can use the next time they are on the playground. Practice these phrases with them, role-playing with them. This will give your little one the tools they need to communicate instead of clobbering their little counterparts at the playground.
Here are a few phrases I taught my toddler to help them communicate better:
“stop that”, “please move”, “can I play with you?”
I’m sure you’ll find your toddler is willing to try these new tools out the next time they’re around other children.
Here are some quick toddler hitting tips.
When talking to your toddler language is so critical. Positive language is so important. What do you think is more affective: telling your child “Don’t Move!” or telling your child “Stay right here.”
When talking to your child, especially young kids (toddlers), negative language will often give you the opposite of what you want. Instead of telling your kid “be quiet”, it’s more affective to tell them “I need you to talk quietly right now”. Instead of saying “don’t touch this dessert”, it’s better to say “leave this dessert over here by itself”. This is showing your child the proper thing to do rather than leaving it up to them to figure out for themselves.
Start making use of positive language with your child into a regular habit and I’m sure you will start to see a positive affect right away.
Just wanted to share with you a video that I think has some really good tips and advice… enjoy!
Probably one of the most challenging aspects of being a parent is discipline. That’s both disciplining your child, and disciplining yourself. It takes discipline to correct lovingly during a toddler hitting incident. Here are a few great tips to help prepare you ahead of time…
1. Put your hands on your child’s shoulders and get down to their eye level, then calmly tell them that “hitting is not okay” and tell them “you understand they are frustrated or angry, but hitting is not a good choice to deal with that situation”. Then model for them a good choice they can make in that situation.
2. With younger children and toddlers (under 4), give them a hug before removing them from the situation. This demonstrates a loving way to deal with the situation, and hugging them does not reinforce the bad behavior.
3. Show your toddler, don’t just tell them, hitting is not good. Take them by the hand and show them “soft” touches.
4. Be an example. Control your anger and frustration, especially towards your child. It’s abuse to hit your child out of anger. If a spanking is necessary, make sure you’ve taken the time to collect yourself emotionally and physically, then communicate clearly and honestly that you love your child and you don’t enjoy spanking them, but that there are consequences to disobeying.
Hug your kids often and let them know they’re loved.
Hello and welcome to my blog all about toddlers who hit and what we, as parents, can do about it. First I must say that I’m far from the perfect parent, and I’m not a psychologist either. What I am, is a loving father who wants the best for my kids and I’m willing to spend the time and resources to figure out how to raise them. It is for this reason that I began my research into how to stop toddler hitting and other destructive behaviors.
I have three wonderful little boys, the youngest who is currently in the toddler stage. I’ve been so blessed to raise these boys, and I’m thankful for the resources that I’ve come across in my time as a parent to help me better understand what my kids are going through and how I can effectively help them understand it as well.
I plan to share a few of the resources I’ve come across that had the biggest impact in my kids lives.
Check back soon!